Gutted the wife has left me! She’s taken the Sky Box and all my Bob Marley records too. No woman, no Sky.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world...
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I’ve been told I’m condescending. (that means I talk down to people)
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish
A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
What are you doing in the wardrobe? Narnia business.

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