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  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. I know some people like that.
  • Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
  • The gleam in my eye is from the sun hitting my bifocals.
  • If you check out every new diet you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with one definite fact: chips are out.
  • The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  • What's another word for thesaurus?
  • Here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?
  • My Grandad loved crosswords; they buried him six down and three across.
  • Bacon and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
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