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  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? "Aye matey" #TalkLikeAPirateDay
  • Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
  • Clones are people two.
  • Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.
  • Politics is just show business for ugly people.
  • I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
  • Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.
  • What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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