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  • Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
  • When I get real bored, I drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
  • A burrito is a sleeping bag for minced beef.
  • Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
  • I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
  • Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage; they've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
  • Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
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