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  • If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.
  • If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
  • Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love & get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • There is no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
  • How do you annoy Lady Gaga? Poke her face.
  • I sent my photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club; they sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
  • I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • Are snakes afraid of other snakes?
  • The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favour.
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