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Me: What's the WiFi password? Bartender: you need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a Coke. Bartender: I… https://t.co/rK4vj2y4mo
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one animal in it, it was a shitzu.
A skeleton walks into bar and says "I'd like a beer... and a mop".
If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.
Boy, those French… they have a different word for everything!