Duct tape is like The Force; it has a dark side, a light side and it holds the universe together.
Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Gravity: it isn't just a good idea, it's the law.
I have secrets so deep and dark, even I don't know what they are.
Do not walk behind me, I do not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, I do not follow. Do not walk beside me. In fact, just leave me alone.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
He had a mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal.
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.
You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.
How about never? Is never good for you?
Clones are people two.
I really like your approach, now let's see about your departure.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
To do is to be (Nietzsche). To be is to do (Kant). Do be do be do (Sinatra).
Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them. They don't like it.
Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired but man who run behind car get exhausted.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Which Knight makes pottery? Sir Amic.
I bought a boomerang from a ghost, I bet that comes back to haunt me.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
Isn't a shame that the people who know how to run the country are all driving London cabs?
I went to the dentist and he said "Say aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
He has occasional flashes of silence that make his conversation brilliant.
I went to the record shop and I said “What have you got by The Doors?” He said: “A bucket of sand and a fire blanket”
I don't like rap music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like rap music, denigrate means put down.
A thief stole a calendar and got twelve months.
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button
Definition of an intellectual; someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I’ve got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing, serves him right.