I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Even if you haven't achieved your goals yet, you'll have gone further than a person who hasn't set any...
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'
Red sky at night, Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night, day.
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