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  • Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one & let the other one off.
  • A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
  • At a Chinese restaurant a duck came up to me with a red rose and said “Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said "I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Lawyer: a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a brief.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
  • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
  • Willie was a chemist, but Willie is no more. What Willie thought was H20 was H2SO4.
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