Two silk worms were in a race. It ended in a tie.
Algebra: A weapon of math destruction.
She asked: "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He replied: "I like your sense of humour.
What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt.
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge? You can't close the door.
How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? We don't know, it never happens.
Mosquito: A small insect designed by God to make us think better of flies.
Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill? "Here come the elephants."
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. BUHH DUMM PSHHHHHHHH
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.
A skeleton walks into bar and says "I'd like a beer... and a mop".
When someone tries to hand me out a leaflet, it's kind of like they're saying, "Here, you throw this away."
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the loo.
What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Who's the patron saint of email? St Francis of a cc.
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your Grandmother.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork Chop
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
You can get what you want or you can just get old ~ Billy Joel
Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Cannibal 1 "I don't like my mother-in-law." Cannibal 2 "So just eat the noodles."